I asked some female singles whether they could be the first to approach a man for marriage and some of them told me that there was nothing wrong with that!
Well, there is everything wrong with that. The Bible teaches that;
‘’He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the Lord’’ (Proverbs 18; 22).
Look clearly at the above verse, it does not say ‘’She who finds…’’ It is the man that must always find his woman. Never work up to a man to toast him or tell him that you love him so much and want both of you to enter into a relationship. It is even worse to ask a man to marry you. The request for relationship or marriage must always humbly and excitedly come from the man. The reasons are obvious;
(1). The woman is a helper for the husband’s purpose. It is the man that must call for his helper. You must be sure that the man recognizes you as his helper and wants your help. It is not the other way round. Do not go to a man who does not need your help. If he does not come to you then it is most likely a sign that God has not chosen him for you. If on the other hand God has chosen him but he has not seen you because he has made an idol of the type of woman he wants, then it’s a sign that he is not yet ready or matured for a valid godly marriage.
(2). If you force your way through and marry a man who has an idol in his heart which is not you, what you are asking for is a marriage where marital unfaithfulness would be the order of the day. This is so because the tendency is that he will soon return to his idol type of woman.
(3). It is so important to also note that the woman’s social and biological make up requires that she marries only a man that loves her. If you are a woman, it is better you go for a man that really loves you than the one you love. As a matter of fact, love and fondness of you by the man is a sure lead to the man God has chosen for you.
Think about it, the woman is most likely going to age before the man. If he is a man who does not have enough love for you, then he is most likely going to offload you at that stage when you need him most.
Pregnancy and other biological issues also point to the fact that a woman is only saver in the hands of a man who really loves her because when these adverse biological issues manifest, the woman would need so much love. That is why you cannot be the one chasing after the man. If you do, you will not be able to ascertain whether he loves you or not.
Significantly, you also need to realize that while a man can still manage in a relationship even where the wife is not showing him love, the woman would completely broke down or crash out where the man is not showing love. It is hell living one single day with a man who doesn’t really love you. A man may manage as long as the woman, though not really in love, is always sleeping with him.
Yes, love is important for the two to function effectively but frankly, a woman is not called to love the husband. She is however called to honour and respect him.
Never work up to a man and ask him for a relationship. Never ask him to marry you. Never chase after a man. It is the man’s scriptural responsibility to go after his woman and prove to the woman that his hand is the safest place for her. This is one sure way of guaranteeing that he is really in love and you and you alone is the person he wants.
The worst is about those foolish ladies who sleep with the man so that she can trap him with pregnancy. This is very foolish and you sell yourself cheap. Trapping a man with pregnancy is not only sinful, it is one sure way of purchase a perpetual ticket for marital crises! What I have discovered is that every decent man hates a woman who comes after him.
If you are already sure that a particular man is your God’s given husband but he has not located or come to you, then you must wait and continue praying that God brings him. Do not go to tell him and do not start playing pranks to attract him. If you come close to him, treat him just the nice way you treat others. If it is God really talking to you about him then he will come and if he refuses to come because he already has an idol, then God will replace him in due time. God always has a better and not worst replacement. Just be patient because God makes ALL THINGS (that includes your marriage) beautiful in His time.
I pray that you have understanding in Jesus name.
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